Aw-shucks – Jared Kushner
We all know that Ivanka and Jared are two smart cookies – at least that’s what Fox News has told us. But who is smarter? Ivanka. Regardless of IQs relative to the larger population, Ivanka is smarter. Jared takes after his father-in-law, buying buildings he can’t afford and then defaulting (like father like son!). I’m a big metrics guy though, so, by the numbers, let’s find out how they match up:
1. AP Calculus (Ivanka took BC, Jared AB)
It’s your first day of school, and all the nannies are dropping the kids off – a joyous occasion. Ivanka walks into the classroom, ready to market herself to a B+. Jared walks next door to the AB room, calculator in hand but the batteries are dead. Ivanka scores a 4 (though her father would rate her a 9). Jared shows up late and gets a 2.5.
2. AP Environmental Science (Scott Pruitt was in the class, dicked around, and got a 0)
Ivanka and Jared did well in this class, cementing their knowledge in their semesters abroad in Paris (also know as Spring Break). While both scoring a 5 and 4 respectively on the exam, demonstrating a working knowledge of climate change, they both did well in “know when to STFU” class. Jared almost missed the test though because he was busy solving the Middle East crisis.
3. World History (Not Mexico)
While there was some confusion that there was a difference between world history and U.S. history (the Department of Education just released new guidelines saying they are quote “basically the same thing). Ivanka and Jared met in Student Democrats (don’t tell Steve Bannon), and used to study together. Well, Jared tried to study, which was mostly copying Ivanka’s homework, which she had someone ghost write #WomenWhoWork. Ivanka paid for a 4; Jared cheated (with Mike Pence) and got a 3.
4. AP Spanish – they both failed, but people still think Ivanka did better
Jared and Ivanka studied hard, but they couldn’t get over the Wall. Wall – 1, Ivanka and Jared – 1 and 0. #BuildTheFence
5. AP Computer Science (mostly Twitter)
President Trump actually taught this class (guess lecturer – he got a teaching fellowship after serving in Vietnam). It was mostly learning how to quote tweets – a major portion of the test. While Ivanka aced the Instagram portion of the test, Jared couldn’t figure out how to turn on the computer. Ivanka – 4; Jared – 2 (Barron – who is so good with computers turned it on for him, but Jared ran out of time).
6. AP Government – They both failed
While acing the nepotism and cronyism section, they failed the basic understanding of American government part. While they are currently interning at the White House, they hope to retake the test this June.
**NOTE: Jared got a 3 in AP Russian (he actually got a 2, but the Russians interfered in the testing)