5 Things Hillary Clinton Was Definitely Emailing About.

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Fuck all of you – Hillary Rodham Clinton

We all know Hillary Clinton’s emails were the worst thing to happen since the crucifixion, but what was she really emailing about. You libtards really expect us to believe that she was merely trying to “figure out how the printer works.” When she wasn’t funneling Russian money through a big money coastal elite Cayman Islands offshore hedge fund with ties to ISIS, she was emailing on how to make America worse again #ThanksObama. I bet this is what she was really emailing about.


1. Destroying the environment

Wait, is it Arbor Day? – Hillary Rodham Clinton

Hillary didn’t just want to destroy the environment. She wanted to destroy the ~earth~. It was in her platform. You can find it here.

2. Extending the Presidency beyond its two terms (or maybe she actually was?)

I’ve been President since 1992 – Hillary Rodham Clinton c. 2018

*Editor’s note – I love Hillary, but she did totally do this 🙂

3. Making up a trade deficit with Canada to Justin Trudeau

What is Canada if not a social construct? – Hillary Rodham Clinton

Let’s remember that the reason we HAVE a trade deficit with Canada is because the Clinton-Obama Administration wouldn’t approve the job-creating keystone pipeline. Thanks, David Axelrod.

4. Build part of a fence

Dignity does not come from avenging insults, especially from violence that can never be justified. It comes from taking responsibility and advancing our common humanity. – Hillary Rodham Clinton

Hillary Clinton is nothing if not efficient and productive. We all can admit that if she were President (she is) that that wall would be 100 feet high and completed right now and Mexico WOULD HAVE paid for it.

5. Not Stormy Daniels

“Goddamnit, Bill!” – Hillary Rodham Clinton

She’s busy talking about Paula Jones.